Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
