You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
