don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
