Soap is not a condiment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My penis needs a shock collar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
