omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
