That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
