So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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