Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
