apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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