Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
