My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
