I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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