it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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