Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
handjob tips. give me some.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
