Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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