Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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