Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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