is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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