HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
