Pappa wants mamma naked
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
