Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
