I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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