I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
