I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
