I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
