Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
