saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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