dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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