Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
