I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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