and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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