...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
