So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
