Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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