Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
