Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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