She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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