It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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