Cold hands, warm shart.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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