our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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