I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize