Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
