: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
