I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
