ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
