Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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