Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
