Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There was a lot of him and a little penis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
