I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
