Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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