im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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