too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
