and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
