Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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