His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
