office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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