Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
