Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
