It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
