how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
