You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When are your genitals available?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
