i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
