I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
