I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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