Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
