My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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