my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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