just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
